


Someone's in the Kitchen With Me, I Know

by spazzTerror



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-27
Updated: 2011-05-27
Packaged: 2017-10-19 20:10:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/204749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spazzTerror/pseuds/spazzTerror
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bro has some kinks that Mr. Egbert unwittingly unearths. All he was trying to do was be a good role model.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Someone's in the Kitchen With Me, I Know

**Author's Note:**

> My beta reader and my headcanon names for Bro and Dad are Jeff Strider and Robert Egbert. You don't have to agree, Just giving you forewarning for when you read this.

Mr. Egbert treated Dave the exact same that he treated John, and, strangely enough, Bro as well. He knew that the man had to be in his late twenties (or possibly early thirties) but he just couldn't help it. He thought of the man as a son, or at least a kid still. He couldn't get over how the man continued to act like a teenager, continually teasing and picking at the boys like he was one of them rather than over twice their age. It was just something he couldn't help.

==> Be the cool kid

what are you talking about? He's not in this story!

==> Be the ORIGINAL cool kid

Bro was thankful for his sunglasses on many occasions, almost as many times as he was thankful for his uncrackable pokerface. There was just something about Mr. Egbert, Fuck, he knew exactly what Mr. Egbert did. It was the way he treated him like a kid, like he wasn't [i]mature[/i] enough to be treated his age. Fuck. If he weren't so mind-blowingly cool he'd probably blush like, fuck, like John blushed every time he started going on about Nic Cage. (Bro would bet Lil' Cal that Dave was totally boning John. There was just no way two teenage boys could be that close and not be fucking.) Bro had a few buttons that no one had pressed in a long time. It was just something that was stemmed from his rebellious youth, and something he wasn't particularly proud of, but dammit all if the way Mr. Egbert spoke to him didn't make his pants a little tighter.

He liked it when Mr. Egbert treated him like a kid, like his kid specifically. He loved being scolded halfheartedly when he did something wrong, that disappointed look when he swore or bullied the boys a little bit, and he [i]especially[/i] liked that sharp scolding "Jeff!" when he said something especially lewd, accompanied by a blush from both Egberts, though he was only interested in the older.

Some nights, when he came home from a party or a gig alone, he would imagine Mr. Egbert's lips at his ear, scolding and berating him as his hand (Bro's hand, usually with the glove clumsily disposed of) worked at his cock, alternating between rough and punishing and gentle and loving. He would imagine the man scolding him more when he came, scolding him for dirtying his slender pianist hands, so different from Bro's large thick fingers. He would imagine that his lips tasted like icing, the icing from the cakes that he was always baking, that his lips were sweet when they were dominating his own, punishing him like he was only a child.

\------------------------

Bro dropped Dave and John off at the movies and returned to the Egbert residence, planning to help Mr. Egbert with his endless ironic baking. It was just too much that the Egberts were related to Betty Crocker considering how much John hated the stuff, and it was just such perfect irony.

He strode into the house, right into the kitchen without knocking and plopped into a chair at the table, propping his feet up on the table next to a can of icing. "Sup" he grunted.

"Jeff, that isn't a footstool. We eat there." Mr. Egbert stated, his tone lightly scolding.

Bro smirked slightly, just a little quirk of his lips. "I know." he replied. "Boys chose to go to the triple feature. Won't need a ride till late. Late late."

"Alright. Are you staying for dinner then?" Mr. Egbert asked hopefully. "I was thinking about making some stir-fry while my cake was in the oven, but if its only going to be me then I may as well just make a sandwich, since I can't eat it all by myself"

Bro shrugged before he realized what he was doing. "Sure. Its not like I have a gig tonight. No good parties tonight either." He conceded when Robert gave his feet a small glare and took them off the table. "So what's the cake for this time? Charity? Annoy the piss out of John? Someone's birthday? Annoy the piss out of John? For the hell of it?" His smirked widened.

"Jeff, You know we don't swear in this house" Mr. Egbert scolded, turning back to his cake ingredients. "And its for a neighbor's daughter."

"You keep saying that and yet the words keep coming out my fucking mouth"

"JEFF!" Mr. Egbert scolded, rounding on him.

Bro couldn't help the small gasp he sucked in at the louder than usual reprimand, causing the older man to pause and stare at him quizzically.

"Jeff... are you alright?" Mr. Egbert asked softly.

"Just peachy, Robert." Bro replied, crossing his leg over his lap to hide the budding erection contained there. "Not a damn thing wrong."

Mr. Egbert frowned. "I didn't startle you did I? I didn't mean to snap like I did."

"Its cool Rob. I just wasn't expecting that from you. Didn't scare me or nothing." Bro denied

"You don't have to lie about it to me, I understand-" Mr. Egbert began

"You didn't fucking startle me!" Bro snapped coldly

Mr. Egbert scowled. "Jeffery! How many times do I have to tell you!" he stepped forward and jabbed Bro in the chest with every annunciated word "We. Do. Not. Swear. In. This. House."

Bro grabbed Mr. Egbert's hand in one of his own, the other reaching up with lightning speed to grip his tie. Mr. Egbert had enough time to remember Dave talking about how he and Jeff practice hand to hand combat and wonder if he was going to be flipped over Jeff's shoulder before he was jerked nearly in half, down to Bro's level, for the younger man to smash their lips together.

Mr. Egbert couldn't help but notice Bro's lips were chapped.

All it took to snap Mr. Egbert from his surprise was a tongue sliding past his lips that wasn't his own. He pulled back with a jerk, ripping himself from Bro's fingers.

Bro licked his lips. He wasn't disappointed; Robert tasted like chocolate icing. He now had a new theory he wanted to test.

He stood up as Mr. Egbert backed away, bumping into the counter and knocking over the carton of eggs while stammering. "J-Jeff, what are you doing? Ffffffffffffff-fudge monkeys. Jeff, you'd better knock it off, This isn't any way to raise your prankster's gambit, I mean really-"

Bro silenced him with his lips once again, placing his hands on the counter on either side of Mr. Egbert to prevent him from escaping. He pulled back once he was confident that Robert was significantly speechless, smirking. "This isn't about my prankster's gambit." he whispered, his voice carrying a slight, sexy rasp.

"Then what-" Robert jumped when Jeff's left hand slipped closer without his notice to goose him.

Jeff brought his hands around to the front of Robert's pants. It only took thirty seconds until the fabric pooled around the older's ankles and ten seconds more before his boxers (it was not ironic that they were cupcake printed and Bro was going to make sure to inform him of that later) joined it.

Robert blushed as his half hard length was exposed. He didn't know whether he should say something or just keep his mouth shut. He settled for keeping his mouth shut.

Jeff had read somewhere on the internet that your diet directly influenced your body functions and fluids. What really interested him was that what you ate directly influenced your [i]taste[/i]. He already knew that Robert tasted like icing, but would his cum taste like it too? He slipped to his knees, his hands returning to the counter to keep Robert from absconding, and slid his lips over Robert's cock without hesitation.

Robert gasped loudly, his hands scrambling to grip the top of Jeff's hat. "Sweet maker of nougatine!"

Jeff smirked wider and dipped his mouth down farther along the length, feeling it grow harder with arousal between his lips. He pulled back after a moment and used his tongue to toy with the foreskin, slipping the slick organ under it to press softly against the head, sliding around until he found the slit.

Robert gasped again and made a small noise of pleasure, hunching over Jeff's head slightly, his fingers slipping against the worn fabric of his hat. "Za-zabaglione!" he hissed, unable to keep from bucking his hips.

Jeff graced Robert with a low moan, the vibrations rising from his throat to reverberate against Robert's cock, enticing goosebumbs from the older, more mature man. He could feel it pulsate with Robert's racing pulse, and it lead the younger male to wonder just how long it had been since he had been with anyone intimately.

Robert bucked his hips again with a desperate whine. "Fffffffffffff-Fuh, Jeff, Jeff stop, oh gog stop, I-I, oh crap, Jeff I'm gonna!"

Jeff gave a harsh suck at Robert's cock, making the man cry out and arch back, his hands slapping back into the counter, scambling until they found and gripped the edge hard enough for it to crack. His mouth was flooded with thick sweetness, which he gulped down eagerly, not minding what dribbled from the corners of his mouth and dripped off his chin.

Robert's grip on the counter loosened, but only enough to allow the blood to return to his fingers. His knees were weak, barely holding himself up.

Jeff took advantage of the lull of activity and shifted away from Robert to grab the container of icing from the table. He gently pried Robert's right hand from the counter and dipped his fingers in the icing.

Robert frowned. "Jeff, what ah-are you doing? I n-need that ph-for my c-cake" he panted softly.

Bro smirked widely and drew Robert's fingers into his mouth, enticing a moan from the elder man as he slid his tongue around the wonderfully slim and graceful fingers of his hand, sucking at the rich chocolate covered digits like a kid with a lollypop.

Robert's other hand slipped from the counter and clutched at Jeff's shoulder with a sultry moan.

Bro returned the moan, gripping Robert's left hand on his shoulder and moving it up to his head, knocking his hat back to guide Robert's hand to tangle in his hair.

Robert gripped the blonde locks tightly, forcing a hiss of pain from the mouth around his fingers.

Bro finally pulled Robert's fingers from his mouth, a thin rope of saliva still connecting him with Robert's delicate-looking pianist fingers. "Fuck, I've been so bad," he murmured seductively, looking up at Robert over the top of his shades. "I've been such a bad fucking kid with nobody to punish me. Are you gonna make me behave... Dad?"

Robert gave a soft groan, squeezing his eyes shut as his cock, wilted from Jeff's previous ministrations, jumped back to half mast.

"Fuck, Dad... I need you to punish me so bad," Bro continued, bringing Robert to his knees with a simple tug on his wrist. "I need you to make me behave like a good boy; won't you make me a good boy Daddy?"

Robert shuddered. "Jeff, Gog, Jeff, y-you don't kn-know what you're duh-doing to me"

Jeff smirked as he dipped Robert's fingers in the icing again, his own hands making short work of his belt and the zipper of his pants before he was guiding Robert's chocolate-coated fingers to his own neglected cock. "Punish me Dad, Make me your good boy. Punish me for misbehaving, I know I deserve it"

Robert hesitantly wrapped his hand around Jeff's dick, letting it be guided up and down, coating the flushed organ with a layer of chocolate icing.

"Just like icing a cake huh?" Bro commented softly, watching Robert's face with lust evident in his albino eyes.

Robert nodded sluggishly, his eyes slowly rising to Jeff's face.

Jeff smirked, leaning in closer so their lips barely brushed. "Punish me" he whispered, his voice low and deep with lust. "Punish me like the little bad child I am"

Robert shuddered. "I-I... Fuck. Jeff, I really don't know if I can. D-do I have to?"

Internally, Jeff was amazed at how arousing the sound of that word was when it came from Robert's mouth and it made him want Robert to fuck him into the floor, uttering that word in his ear. He leaned forward to moan softly in Robert's ear. "Gog, Daddy, I love it when you say bad words to me"

Robert let out a small whimper, his grip on Jeff's shaft tightening and coaxing a small hiss from the blonde's lips.

Jeff pulled Robert's hand away and dipped it back in the icing. When he guided the hand back towards his dick, he only let the fingers graze the chocolate coated surface, biting back a moan from the feeling, spreading his legs and guiding the confection coated digits to his opening.

Robert gasped lightly and quickly looked up at Jeff's face.

Jeff's breath was coming heavy now, his eyes shut as he guided and instructed Robert's hand with his own. He slipped one of Robert's fingers inside himself and his lips parted in a soundless sigh of pleasure and an expression of pure bliss.

Just watching that expression take over Jeff's face made something inside Robert break loose. He pushed his finger farther inside Jeff, watching surprise mix with the pleasured expression on his face as he probed and explored inside on his own.

Jeff bit his lip in a very uncool way, leaning back until his back was against the floor and he was raising his hips up to give Robert more access to his ass.

Robert watched Jeff's face in fascination, leaning forward with him until he had to use his clean hand to keep himself propped up. He worked his finger in and out of Jeff until he was loose enough for a second finger, which Robert added without thinking. He began to pick up on little tells that told him Jeff was getting off on this, every one of which was a jolt straight to his hardening cock.

Jeff raised his hips more into Robert's ministrations. "F-fuck Rob," he hissed softly, his hands flexing against the shitty linoleum floor. "When the fuck you get this good?"

Robert's expression darkened ever so slightly before he smiled widely (albeit darkly, Jeff noted vaguely). He scissored his fingers inside Jeff, stretching the muscles in a way that they weren't quite ready to stretch yet and making the floored man inhale sharply in a mix of pain, pleasure, and surprise. "How many times do I have to warn you about your language?" he asked sweetly, letting his eyes drift half shut.

Jeff was glad his shades hid his wide eyed stare.

Robert scissored his fingers again, causing Jeff to jerk his hips up in pleasure.

"Fuck!" Jeff hissed, throwing his head back. The only thing that kept him from braining himself on the floor was the fact he was propped up slightly on his elbows, so he could watch Robert touch him.

Robert added a third finger and pushed all three in as far as they would go, just the slightest bit rough. "Jeffery" he whispered, his tone scolding. "Do I have to punish you? I keep warning you about your language; Don't you want to be a good boy for me?"

Jeff inhaled sharply again, but this time it had nothing to do with Robert's fingers. "O-Oh Gog yes, please, Daddy! Please make me your good boy! I want to be your good boy," he pleaded, bucking his hips lightly against Robert's fingers, driving them deeper.

Robert smiled. "That's a good boy." His fingers became gentler as he worked Jeff's muscles loose. "I think maybe you deserve a little reward. What kind of reward would you like?"

Jeff gave a small whine. "K-kiss me" he pleaded.

Robert smirked and leaned down until their lips were barely touching. "And then what would you like me to do?"

"G-Gog, I want you to fuck me Daddy" Jeff moaned.

Robert closed the distance between them and kissed him roughly, spreading his fingers inside him as he bit down on Jeff's bottom lip. "Jeffery, You're misbehaving again." He sat back on his heels. "I'm going to have to punish you"

"Fu-fuck" Jeff gasped out at the wonderful display of dominance that Robert was displaying.

Robert's brows furrowed slightly before he slapped Jeff on the ass with his free hand and thrust roughly with his other.

Jeff gasped loudly and moaned, pressing his hips back onto Robert's fingers again. "G-Gog! Yes! Punish me Daddy! I'm so bad! I need it!"

Robert picked up the discarded can of icing as he pulled his fingers from Jeff's ass with a distinct slurpy pop. He then used the same fingers to scoop out a liberal amount of the icing left in the can to spread on his cock.

Jeff watched with hungry eyes.

When Robert was satisfied with the amount of icing on his dick, he grabbed Jeff's thighs and positioned himself between his legs. "Do you want your reward now... My good boy?"

Jeff moaned and let his head fall back. "Yes, yes, Oh Daddy, please!" he pleaded

Robert smirked and ground the tip of his cock against Jeff's opening. "Do you think you deserve it?" he asked, his voice almost like a purr.

"God, Daddy, I want it so bad! Please!" Jeff begged. "I want you to punish me! Fuck me so hard!"

Robert thrust into Jeff roughly, dragging a pained cry from the man's lips. He leaned over him to whisper in his ear. "I thought I told you to watch your mouth. I'm going to have to punish you again." his smirk widened as he let go of Jeff's thigh, drawing his hand back to bring it forward sharply and crack Jeff on the ass again, making him jump.

Jeff let out another little cry, whimpering softly. "Gog, Daddy! More Daddy! Punish me!"

Robert gripped Jeff's hips again and ground against him with a moan. "Do you want me to punish you like this?"

"Fuck, yes, Gog, yes Daddy!" Jeff moaned, bucking his hips against Robert's.

Robert made a small noise, something like a growl, and pinned Jeff's hips down. "You're being so bad, Jeffery" he growled out.

Jeff gasped, freezing save for his heaving chest.

Robert slowly pulled back, pulling his cock out until it was at the ring of muscle along the outside of Jeff's ass before plunging back in hard and fast.

Jeff's hips jerked free of Robert's hold, his back arching as his lips parted in a cry of pleasure.

Robert almost collapsed on top of him from the wonderful way he tightened around his cock. After a moment's pause, he sat back up and did it again. He gripped Jeff's hips tightly to keep himself inside, craving the tight heat.

Jeff whined and bucked, wrapping his legs around Robert's waist, trying to pull him deeper.

Robert simply adjusted his position and the grip on Jeff's hips before setting up a delicious pace that kept Jeff somewhat pacified. "You can't rush things Jeffy" Robert purred "Its like beating eggs with a whisk, the faster you go, the faster your arm gets tired, and the eggs won't even be done."

Jeff moaned softly, rolling his hips into the contact.

Robert leaned forward to press his lips to Jeff's lightly. "That's a good boy." He kissed him a little more forcefully, enticing Jeff to kiss back with a feeble attempt for dominance, but Robert pressed their lips together harder to force Jeff's head back onto the floor. "Now let me hear you beg for your reward."

Jeff shuddered at Robert's tone, clutching at his wrists like some teenager having their first time. "Oh Gog" he breathed. "Gog, fuck me harder, Daddy. Oh, Fuck, I need you. I need you so bad."

Robert gave a small moan of appreciation, licking his lips at the sight of the flushed strider beneath him.

"Fuck, Daddy, I need you to fill me. Gog, your cock is so big and warm. I need it to fill me up." Jeff continued. He could give a damn less if it was degrading, it was getting him what he wanted. "Please, Daddy, Gog, I need it so bad!"

Robert's pace was steadily increasing, slowly at first, then more rapidly. "Gog" he whispered before thrusting extra hard.

His cock nicked something that made Bro scream, arching off the floor and throwing his head back as his ass clamped down on Robert's dick.

Robert gasped, then grinned.

He had just hit the confectionery jackpot.

He waited a moment for Jeff's muscles to relax just the tiniest bit, then he rammed the spot dead on, drawing another scream from the blonde. The resulting tightening of muscles was pure euphoria to his aching dick and he did it again without pause for Jeff to loosen.

A fourth thrust had Jeff cumming, the hot liquid spurting from his tip to arch gracefully onto his stomach.

Robert rode out Jeff's orgasm by continuing to thrust into the tight heat, finally succumbing to his own peak as Jeff's was ending. When it was done, Robert sat leaning over Jeff while they both panted for air.

Jeff looked up at Robert with half-lidded eyes, basking in what he would probably have to consider the best afterglow he'd ever fucking had, and thinking about how much easier this had been than what he had originally thought. Robert smirked down at him, drawing him from his thoughts.

"I think I should punish you again, but in my room this time." He purred, carefully pulling his cock out of Jeff's ass with a slick noise from the icing and fluid that accompanied it. "That way, No one can hear you scream"

Jeff needed no more urging to scramble to his feet in an ironically uncool manner, grab another can of icing from the fridge and hurry out of the room. Robert was much slower, though the predatory grin on his lips spoke volumes as to why.

Jeff's pants lay forgotten on the kitchen floor, his iphone vibrating angrily in the pocket for what had to have been the third time in five minutes.

==> Be the disgruntled caller

"He isn't picking up." Dave stated stoically.

"This is all your fault you know." John stated with a pout. He was sitting on the curb with his elbows resting on his knees.

"How is this my fault?" Dave raised a single brow. "You're the one that yelped."

"Because I didn't expect you to shove your hand down my pants in a movie theater!" John snapped. "Try calling the house phone"

"Something tells me we'd be better off walking, bro."


End file.
